New and Improved Answers!

Dear wives:

When your husband regails you with the troubles he's had at the office, or maybe his dreams about the future, this is NOT the time to reason with him. This is NOT the time to tell him, "Everybody has troubles, so just suck it up," or "Wow, that's a pretty far-fetched dream You're not expecting ME to go along with that, are you?"

Nope, that's the surest way to marital discord. So, to help you wives out, I hereby present to you five manly-approved responses that, even though you think he's a total idiot and needs to just go mow the yard, will make him think that you actually care.

1. "I wish you had a better group of people to work with. You could quit and go work at Burger King, which means we'd probably lose the house, but whatever you decide, I'll support your decision."

2. "Sailing around the world would be a wonderful adventure, if it wasn't for the fact that I get seasick all the time and would probably barf on your poop deck. But if that's what you want me to do, then we'll make it happen."

3. "No, I don't think it's right that you have to suck up to your boss. You're a manly man, needing power and people to do what YOU say. You're a Stud! But until then, could you open up this jar of pickles?"

4. No, I don't think it's at all crazy that you want us to spend Christmas in Canada, staying several nights in that motel made entirely of ice. But honey, I get so cold. You don't want me cold, do you? Cold and frigid? I'll leave the decision up to you.

5. Of course you can have goats. I think goats are adorable. But you'll have to take care of them, feed them, and love them all by yourself, because I wouldn't want to be held responsible if something went wrong, like maybe they accidentally got barbecued on the grill.