Maybe they (and I'm really talking to YOU), maybe YOU think it takes up too much time, and there's not enough time in the day to get started. Maybe you think ideas come from heaven, and heaven seems to be closed whenever you go looking for an idea. Or maybe you just need my "How To Become A Writer In 5 Easy Steps" essay to jumpstart a surge of creativity within you that will get you started and last a lifetime.
Well, here it is -- my "How To Become A Writer In 5 Easy Steps" essay. I hope it works for you!
1. Get An Idea. Inspiration doesn't come from heaven. It comes from your backyard. It comes from your overflowing toilet. It comes from the leftovers in the back of the refrigerator that look like they're about to start breathing. It comes from Wal-Mart. It comes from dirty dishes. It comes from work. It comes from your children. It comes from someone else's children. It comes from everywhere. If you can't find an idea, then you're just not paying attention.
2. Choose Your Weapon. Want to write with pad and pencil? That's your choice. Want to write on a computer? Go for it. Want to write on a napkin at your favorite bar, the one where you always complain to the bartender how you want to be a writer, but you can't find the time, and then get miserably drunk and pass out on the floor? It's up to you. Just make a choice and stick with it.
3. Sit Your Butt Down And Begin. This may be a little confusing, so let me break it down for you: Sit! Sit Down! Sit Down On Your Butt! Once You're On Your Butt, Begin! Begin is another word for Start. Does that make it any clearer? It doesn't matter if you have five hours or five minutes, Just Begin.
4. Revise Everything Until It's Not Crap. Everything you write down first is C-R-A-P! Nothing comes out great the first time. That's why you Edit. Revise. Copy. Paste. Destroy. Give Mouth to Mouth. Slap. Jab. Throw Down. Pick Up. Edit again. Realise it's still C-R-A-P and start all over. Keep doing that until it's NOT C-R-A-P! How will you know when it's not crap? I don't know. I'm still working on that part.
5. Let Someone Read It. People say all the time that they only want to write for themselves, for their own enjoyment. Well, that's a bunch of goat poop. People write stuff because they want people to read it. Maybe not now, maybe not tomorrow, but sometime. So, when you're finished writing what it is you've written, let someone read it. And then...
Find yourself another idea! Choose your weapon. Sit your butt down and begin. Revise everything until it's not crap. Let someone read it. Then Start All Over Again!
If you can do all that -- whether you become famous or not -- then you can proudly call yourself a writer.
Congratulations! And you thought you couldn't do it!
2 comments:
Truer words were never spoken, and applicable even if you're already a writer. There's inspiration everywhere; if you have time to watch Biggest Loser or Bill O'Reilly (no pun intended), you have time to write. Everything comes out as manure at first and you always feel like an idiot on the first draft. The real writing starts when you begin editing - chipping away at that slab of marble until you find the statue that is always in there. And you are not really a writer until you've been read. Put it out there. Even if someone says "I just write for myself" they are secretly hoping that their writings get discovered years after they die and find post-mortem celebrity.
Thanks, Tracy. Great stuff. Now I have to turn in my column. If I can just figure out what to write about this week.
Patrick Caneday
Thanks Patrick! I visited your site today and loved the snowball story. I look forward to reading more!
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