My advice on riding motorcycles

Don't ride 'em! They're dangerous! They look all fun and whatnot, but when you're going 60 mph and get hit in the chest (or face) by a junebug, it feels like you've just been shot -- and I swear you'll start crying for your mommy!

If you're going to ride 'em, where a helmet. If you get hit in the face by a junebug without a helmet, you're going to have green icky guts plastered all over your face (or in your mouth), and it's gonna leave a nasty scar. And how are you going to explain THAT to your drinking buddies?

"Hey, where'd ya get that cool scar; the one that goes across your upper lip and hangs a right at your ear? Knife fight?"

"Nope. Junebug."

Yeah, that's real macho.

If you're going to ride a motorcycle, wear a leather jacket, pants and gloves no matter how hot it is. The leather keeps the sun off your bare skin, the sweat underneath cools you off while you're riding, and when the bike throws you down on that hot, hard pavement (it could happen), the only thing that will get road rash is the dead cow you're wearing. Doctor's hate digging gravel and dirt out of open wounds. Besides, if you break anything, those jagged bones will stay inside the leather and not dig ditches in the gravel.

Yes, I know you like to ride your "hog" in your shorts and flipflops, sans shirt. Yes, your biker babe looks real sexy hanging on the back in her string bikini. But all that exposed skin is just begging to meet Mr. Asphalt. And when they meet, it ain't gonna be pretty.

If you're going to spend the money to buy a motorcycle, don't just park it in your garage and ride it a couple of times a year. People who do that are the ones who have the most accidents. Get out and ride that thing as much as you can, for as long as you can. Buy rain gear, buy leather, be prepared to ride it in all kinds of weather. The better you know the bike, the safer you'll be.

If you're going to ride, remember that you are invisible. Car drivers don't see you. That means you have to watch out for THEM. And if YOU aren't watching out for THEM, they'll pull out in front of you and you'll be waking up in the hospital, if you wake up at all. And even if the accident is technically THEIR fault, it's really yours because you weren't driving defensively.

I'll say that again: If you have an accident, it's YOUR fault.

I ride my motorcycle almost every day, in all kinds of weather. I ride during the summer, winter, spring and fall. Over the past six years I've ridden more than 60,000 miles, and I always wear a helmet, gloves, pants, and boots.

The way I figure it, if anybody's going to have an accident, it's going to be me. So why not be prepared?

Like my dear Dad always says: "The best thing about riding a motorcycle is that if you have an accident, you're always the first one there."

True story: A man I work with is a volunteer firefighter. He got called out for a motorcycle accident. The rider hit a feral hog in the middle of the night. The rider would have just had some cuts and bruises if he'd been wearing a helmet -- but he wasn't.

He began his ride that night with a face. He ended up in the hospital without one.

Anyways, you're going to ride how you want to ride no matter what I say. But like my dear Mother says: "You can let my advice go in one ear and out the other, but I'm going to give it to you anyways."

Enough said. Ride safe!