I'm Thankful For

Every year we gather around the Thanksgiving table, spill our guts about what we're thankful for, and I usually get the nasty looks because I come up with stupid stuff like, "I'm thankful for not having any zits today," or "I'm thankful gas prices are down and we could actually afford to drive here today."

If I'm at my parents' house, I get the "fatherly look" that says, "You'd make your mother the happiest she's ever been if you'd stop being such a dumbass."

If I'm at my inlaws' house, I get the "mother-in-law look" that says, "My daughter could have married a doctor, but instead she chose a ... a ...I can't even say it."

Dumbass?

"Yes, that's it."

Well, this year I've searched deep within my soul and have come up with a few things...

I'm Thankful For

By Tracy Farr

I’m thankful for a lot of things
Like tater tots and onion rings.

I’m thankful for the clothes I wear.
They cover up my underwear.

I’m thankful for the food I eat
except for liver, squash and beets.

I’m thankful I don’t have a job
that makes me clean up after slobs.

I’m thankful that my kids don’t steal
the hubcaps off my neighbor’s wheels.

I’m thankful my wife doesn’t scream
when I bring home dead squirrels to clean.

I’m thankful that my cats don’t barf
inside my shoes or on my scarf.

I’m thankful my goats never try
to butt my neighbor’s large behind.

I’m thankful for a ton of stuff.
I’d tell you more, but that’s enough.